Apathy and stagnation

Nadezda Tolokonnikova about infinity of a women’s prison
Update: 27-03-2013 (15:02)

Kasparov.Ru edition continues to publish correspondence with political prisoners in Russia. We received a letter from the member punk band Pussy Riot Nadezda Tolokonnikova on her life in prison.

The original letter you will find at the end of the material.

My imprisonment, my female colony – is lethargy, it is a dream. It is infinity, and it seems that all life has past by here, at the same time it is one still moment, a day that by the will of some evil genius, has to go on and be repeated again and again, until death do us part. My imprisonment – the flip side of the material matrix, hundreds of lined-up bodies – weak, pale and speechless, hundreds of physical existences, wrapped in mucus that returns as the same mucus of apathy and stagnation.

Being in the heart of that day, in the depths of it, it is useless to try to talk about it – only muffled gurgle comes out from the mouth. As James Cameron [film director] had to emerge up from the ocean basins to translate what he saw in Avatar, and so I must leave my endless abyss of the day and go to the surface again as in the old days before March of 2012, to be a human truly wise and, therefore, creative.

Of all the feelings [I have] the strongest one is the oppressed and endless longing for justice and understanding.

Most of all I care about old like the world itself question, “How could I ever be happy, knowing how much of evil and injustice has done [to this world]?” People, who support me, write, “Remember, this all will be over, and you will return to a happy life.” But could you be happy after seeing of what I have seen? I know this anxiety, restlessness and despair but an endless search for the truth will never leave me.

I know that life of people, who was cultured same way as me, is doomed to misfortune according to common concepts. But there is, perhaps, more happiness, happiness of an idealist incapable of serene conformity. To such tough happiness, and my two years in prison are part of it, I am ready.

I do believe, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” [Matthew 5:6 ]

Nadezda Tolokonnikova

Kasparov.ru